He knows me

It's been a while :)

Been meaning to blog, just haven't really figured out how to pen down my thoughts.

It was some time ago when I moaned about where to work and all, and about what to do.

It wasn't easy figuring what to do, as I didn't even know what I wanted!

Then after a while, I realized what I wanted, but then people around me just kept telling me that I'm being too.. "idealistic", that my first job as a fresh graduate isn't gonna be fun, that I'm "expecting too much", that I can't have everything.

But then.. what if I can?

What if I CAN have everything that I wanted?

What if I dared to ask God?

I dared to have faith, I dared to believe that God allows me to present my requests and desires to Him, and that whether or not He gives it to me, the point is that it's ok to ask.

So ask I did.

I asked for a job that:

a) Has high pay (more than RM 2k)
b) Flexible time
c) Work with people
d) Something I'd enjoy doing
e) Close proximity (within Selangor)

And guess what?

God fulfilled ALL that I asked for!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

He gave me a job which is close to home, pays MORE than RM 2.3k (God is SO COOL!), where I work with people instead of facing the computer the whole day, flexible time (meaning the hours might be a lot, but it's negotiable to be swapped if I can't make it that day), and has something to do with my favorite subject back in high school!

Back when I was in F4 till F6, I took Literature in English as a subject for SPM and STPM. I took this subject only because I enjoyed it, and even thought to myself that "Surely I can't find a job with this subject".

Yet God in His grace and mercy gave me a job that involved something I like! Something I really really enjoy! And it's SO COOL, because I never thought that God could use something like this to teach me that He knows me.

He knows me, and He knows my likes and dislikes, my desires and my dreams.

And He is true to His word, that He has plans to prosper me, and NOT to harm me. That He won't give me what I don't like, but He knows what I like.

He is my Father, after all. My Creator. *smiles*

That being said, I'm not claiming that God WON'T hold back something good (good from my perspective) from me or allow bad things to happen to me if it means His will needs to be accomplished. His ways are not my ways, and He sees life with 2 sides of the lense, while I only see one.. So yeah.

What I AM saying is that God knows me, and that He gives me (and you!) the freedom of choice to either bring my dreams before Him.. and THEN surrender it to Him.

That this is a relationship. And that He loves me and knows me and desires that I do the same to Him as well.

This is so exciting!

As I question again how I view God, and seek to break down all assumptions I have about God and truly ask Him to give me a fresh and TRUE picture of who He really is, God is faithful.

He wants to be known, as we are known to Him.

He loves you, as He loves me. Believe it, and my prayer is that you will know Him for yourself.

Maranatha, people! God bless :)

PS: Thank you to all who prayed with me during the whole job process. Thank you to all who walked through this journey with me. I am glad I didn't make it on my own (you know how proud I get). I'm glad God gave all of you to me. Thank you! You guys are so precious to me. *hugs*

Unfailing Love

Unfailing Love (Chris Tomlin)

You have my heart
And I am Yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand

Praise You God of Earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change God You remain
The Holy One
My unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The one I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

*****

It's one thing to know in my head that God loves me. It's another thing to know it in my heart.

It shocked me to know that me (who cries while watching anime) has a heart of stone (Ezekiel 36:26). I never knew that all these while, I had not really opened up to God. I had not really believe that He loves me.

And yet, in my rebellion (unbelief is a choice, no? Hence it's an act of rebellion).. He never stopped being there.

He never left. He never even attempt to leave.

I am unwilling. I cannot and will not go through living this one life knowing the Word of God, yet not knowing the God of the Word.

Thank God!

His mercies are new every day..

Today's in the writing, tomorrow's yet to be written :)

I want

... to sleep.

... to sleep, and not have to snooze my alarm clock, or, when I do snooze it, don't feel guilty about it. At least for some time.

... to read anything else but my psychology journals.

... to read the mountain of books waiting for me in my room.

... to take a long walk at a park and heave a sigh of relief that I am truly, finally done with my degree.

... to take a long walk at a park where no mosquitoes will bite me.

... to be able to do what I wanna do without having to worry about my work.

... to take a bubble bath without worrying about the other parts of the world which has no water :(

... to lie down on a vast open field and stare at the beautiful blue sky.

... to lie down and journal and reminisce and make a photo scrapbook of my life and the people in it.

... to spend time with people I miss, and not feel that I have to cut short my time with them.

... to just rest.

... so many things.

... faith, patience, courage, self-discipline.

... to spend time with the greatest lover of my soul and just be with Him.

... to do all the above and make it all come true.

Faith

... has just taken on a new level.

The unknown has never seemed more real.

But funny, there's no fear in my heart.

Just this assurance.. this calmness, that as long as I choose Him, as long as I have faith in Him, as long as I hold on to Him, I will never need to fear.

It comforts me, excites me, as well as prepares me for the next phase of life.

Thank You, Daddy :)

In pursuit of God

-Walking with You-

I had a conversation with God the other day.

I said,

“Daddy dearest,

What—

Where—

When—

Who—

Why—

How—"

Yet before I could finish my questions, before I could find the right words to communicate what’s in my head and heart to the open, He spoke. He speaks. He knew. He knows.

“Dearest child,

Nevermind. Trust me.

I know.

I know.

I know.”

No matter how many times I try to interpret the two words as differently as I could, put in the intonation, the sound, the emphasis, do whatever I want with these words.. it doesn’t change the fact that God knows best, and that He’s in control.

To sum it all up, I am reminded again and again, that it doesn't matter whether I know the answers or not. The point is do I trust Him enough?

Love, faith, hope, trust--that's all that matters.

A day at a time, that's all I can do.

Time

I am frightened.

Frightened by how fragile life is.

I am anxious.

Anxious that time is never enough.

I am sceptical.

Am I really in tune with God?

I am human.

But I am unwilling to be labeled average.

Counting down!!~

My brother rocks!! (the real one, in case some people perasan)

4 more days, people, 4 more days!! =D

Chocolate banana cake, I am waiting to eat you! Muahahaha!