Valentine’s Day

On the 14^th of February 2011, while everyone was busy preparing for love, I felt I was preparing for war.

I was raging at God. I cried, sobbed, told God “I don’t wanna care anymore,” “It hurts too much to care.”

With my grandma’s demise, as well as getting my car banged by another car (therefore having to go to the police station countless times to get a report in order to claim insurance by the third party, as well as getting summoned, paying a lot of money for taxi, etc.), and with the plans I had in mind to celebrate Valentine’s day with my beloved but the document couldn’t print, etc., I was so angry.

I was angry that nothing was turning out, angry and upset that things were going out of control, that I had no control.

But in reality, beneath all the anger was a feeling I didn’t want to admit. That I was feeling utterly lost and hurt and upset, wondering whether anything I did could ever amount to something.

Needless to say, I felt like a victim of my circumstances. Looking back now, I wondered if it was because I was still grieving over losing my grandma that everything was spilling over.

Looking back now, I learnt:

Of what it meant to worship God for who He is, regardless of how my circumstances are.

That if I can only accept good from God and not bad, this is not a relationship at all.

Of my family's kindness and love for me.

Of my beloved's patient and loving heart even more, and grew in friendship with him.

That Valentine’s Day is about celebrating the person, and not the event. I’ve learnt this earlier, and I’m relearning it now. So even though on Valentine’s Day itself the dishes were late (there was an ingredient missing as well), my gift was not ready, and I had such bad time management with the co-ordinating of cooking and preparing, I had a great time- rediscovering God and my beloved all over again.

Blessed Belated Valentine's Day, everyone! :)